On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
