a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
