I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
