Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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