so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
