I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
