$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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