i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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