He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
