How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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