No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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