He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize