Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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