idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
