took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize