She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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