I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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