Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
