I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
