So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
