about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
