no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
