I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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