That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
