Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
