can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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