whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
