she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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