i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
