He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize