The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
