After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
