Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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