literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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