You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
