i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
