i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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