i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
