she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
