May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
