her vagine was all disorganized.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
