My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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