I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
