...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
