just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
