Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
sex in a hospital.. check
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
