Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
