dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
