one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
