Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
