Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
