I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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