were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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