I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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