i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
