Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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