Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize