saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
