you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
