Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
