Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ketchup is God's man juice
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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