I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
