his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
