i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
